Gráinne's Got a Gun (Season Finale)

Season 21, Episode 82

First aired 15 June 2017

It’s the season finale! And to celebrate, Anto has broken into Mo’s house in order to jump her from behind in the kitchen. Grabbing her throat, he tells her it’s lovely to see her again, but she does not seem to think it’s as lovely an occasion as he does, what with the choking and his being a deranged simian and all. He drags her off camera, and we assume he’s already strangled Uncle Peatsaí to death with a Hawaiian shirt or else he’d surely be here helping his dear niece whom he theoretically lives with.

At the café, Gráinne tells Caitríona that the doctor has confirmed what we already knew: she’s up the duff. Presumably she means sexy Easter Island head Dr Tiarnán and not that sketchy new doctor with the suspicious hairdo who helped Andy pretend to have African hydraulic fever all last season. She hasn’t told David the news yet, because while she’s sure he would make an iontach father, she doesn’t want to trap him in something he doesn’t want, such as fatherhood or quicksand. Well, you should’ve thought of that before you let his sperm karate your egg.

Out in the street, Colm gets a text from an unidentified number telling him to watch the attached video, and fortunately for Mo he watches it, unlike everyone else in the world, who would’ve assumed it was spam and deleted it. She tells him she’s been kidnapped and so on, and also that HostageTel can save you up to 20 percent off your calls to America with no contract required, even if you have bad credit, which we’re sure he does.

One Line Means You're Pregnant, Two Lines Means You've Got A Gun

Season 21, Episode 81

First aired 13 June 2017

It’s season finale week for Ros na Rún, and all signs point to it being completely bonkers! But first it’s the penultimate episode, which begins with Tadhg repeatedly insulting Berni, something we are always in favor of. We’re in the café, and he’s trying to talk Frances out of having a big day out, because it will involve her spending money and his having to do extra work, two things he is always opposed to. She’s adamant that she’s going whether he likes it or not, because Áine is off on an all-day school trip to the envelope factory or wherever and she’s going to take advantage of it. Berni keeps brightly offering her two cents, and Tadhg immediately lays the smackdown on her every time, including, “Stuff a scone down your throat, good girl. It might shut you up,” which is the best thing we have ever heard anyone say to her. Poor Berni never had to take this kind of abuse back on Brigadoon where she came from.

And now, in the petty crime portion of our show, of which there is a lot today, Colm and Seán are arguing. There’s a lot of that, too. Colm thinks Seán warned Anto that the Gardaí were on their way and that’s why they didn’t catch him, but Seán replies that he is not familiar with these “Gardaí” of which Colm speaks, and also couldn’t have possibly snitched, because he was busy being punched by Anto, Annette, and his various children the past few days. Colm decides this has gone far enough and it’s time to call in the big guns, but since Áine is away on her school trip, he will have to settle for Eric.

Micheál arrives at the café with Maggie in tow and orders two scones and two cups of coffee, which causes Berni to frown and explain as if she’s in agony that such a complicated order will take a while. Apparently she’s flying to Colombia to fetch the beans herself, or has to go out to check the scone tree to see if any of them are ripe enough to be picked. This gives Tadhg, who is still hanging around, an opportunity to harass the new arrivals, ostensibly over the ongoing windmill dispute, but really because he a) hates the sheik and b) has complicated feelings about Maggie. He claims the surveyor was just out making sure there are not already windmills on the site, and that it is not an ancient Indian burial ground, which upsets Micheál, because as the self-appointed windmill police, if there’s anything going on, he wants to be the first to know about it. He and Maggie leave in a huff, or rather he leaves in a huff and Maggie follows him because she doesn’t have anything better to do, and Tadhg looks pleased with himself.

Bobbi-Lee: One-Woman Pride Parade

Season 21, Episode 80

First aired 8 June 2017

We open at the pub, where Colm is sitting alone in a daze, wondering when Anto is going to arrive to beat him to death. I think Anto operates on Kong Island Standard Time, which is two hours behind GMT. The assembled barflies ask Tadhg what’s up with Sideburns over there, and he says it must be something to do with women, because, you know, dames is trouble. I know when I think of high-maintenance mná, I think of Mo. Bobbi-Lee scoffs at the idea that women are the cause of all problems, and of course Tadhg points out that this is rich coming from the woman who’s single-handedly the cause of about 40 percent of the problems on this show. I love you, Wobbly, but he’s got you there. Tadhg wanders off, and Bobbi-Lee mentions to Vince that she just saw Adam working in the shop, which gives him the opportunity to mention for no reason that something may or may not be going on between Adam and Pádraig now. This piques Bobbi-Lee’s interest, because gossip is a lot more interesting than working, plus she wonders what her intermittent BFF Pádraig has been keeping from her.

Out in the street, Laoise isn’t looking where she’s going as she exits the Lying Friends Boutique and literally runs smack into Imelda, who’s on her way to the Sad & Lonely Café. Imelda innocently asks when she’s going to get to meet Laoise’s new mystery fella, and Laoise is obviously uncomfortable as she starts making up excuses about how he’s shy and lives in Canada and is also an invisible ghost from the future. She tries to walk away, but Imelda follows her, and reminisces for a while about the early days of her relationship with Eric, whom she mentions is exhibiting lovey-dovey signs of his own lately. We assume she’s going to try to get Laoise to spill the beans by saying something like, “It seems he’s got a mystery woman, too,” but instead she takes a much more deliciously devious approach and says, “I think he wants us to be more than just friends.” All of a sudden Laoise has to dash, because she’s just remembered that she’s got diarrhea back home she needs to attend to, so she flees, leaving Imelda grinning at how she’s got Laoise and Eric twisting in the wind. Ordinarily I might be opposed to this sort of thing, but the pair of them richly deserve it for the way they’ve been carrying on, so I’m glad Imelda doesn’t see herself as above this kind of nonsense and has instead waded in up to her waist.

Portrait of the Arse as a Young Man

Season 21, Episode 79

First aired 6 June 2017

We open at Laoise’s mobile vegetable stand, which is like Lucy from Peanuts’ psychiatrist booth, except instead of advice, your nickel gets you a radish and a confused look from David. The customers are leaving unhappy and vegetableless because all the produce has been about three-quarters eaten by a rabbit. David fumes that they’ve got to do something about these bloody bunnies, but Laoise seems unconcerned, certain that Micheál can recommend some kind of organic solution, such as kicking them. Alternatively, Adam’s mother can offer them €8,000 to move to London.

Caitríona pops into the pharmacy to sniff disdainfully at everything and also buy some athlete’s foot pastilles and is unpleasantly surprised to find that Vince has volunteered himself as a pack mule for Janice. Well, it’s been nice knowing you, Vince. She reminds him that he’s scheduled to take some photos of her for the next batch of Loinnir brochures, because it’s been a while since she’s terrorized the locals by mailing them pictures of herself. This is what he gets for being the only one in the village who owns a camera. Pádraig arrives and pretends to be aggrieved with her over last episode’s bigmouth blabbery re: Adam, and she’s briefly alarmed, but then he reveals that he’s only kidding, and that he explained everything to Adam and all is forgiven and forgotten. This assessment may turn out to be somewhat different from Adam’s experience of the situation. She leaves, and Pádraig, who is Adam’s personal social worker now, asks Vince if he’ll hire Adam to work in the shop. Vince looks stricken, which is of course the natural reaction to having Adam thrust upon you unexpectedly. In the background of this scene there’s a box on a shelf with a crazy picture of a woman who looks like Pocahontas painting with all the colors of the wind, or, as my husband said, “A cross between Pocahontas and Moana. Pocoana.”

At Mo’s, Colm is being sulky and unpleasant, so it’s business as usual. He eventually tells her he’s worried about his former prison pen pal Seán’s possible gambling problem. Mo helpfully volunteers that her diagnosis is that Seán does not in fact have a gambling problem, although now that she thinks about it, he was always in and out of the bookies multiple times every single day. Clearly Mo never completed her Open University psychology course. He asks her to have her mates in the bookies’ keep an eye on Seán, and presumably beat him with a hurley should he try to enter, but she tells him she can’t do that, and besides, she’s got enough problems of her own right now, such as being in a relationship with him. That last part is implied.

Kissing To Be Clever

Season 21, Episode 78

First aired 1 June 2017

We’re moving rapidly into the home stretch of season 21, and in case you’ve missed Caitríona being a complete pain in the arse lately, this is the episode for you! But first, it’s morning, and we begin with a weird jazzy musical montage. There’s a quick pan across Adam looking sad on the swings, and then we see Colm looking pleased with himself as he surveys Mo’s clothes strewn across his living room, which makes us look even sadder than Adam does on the swings. Over at the B&B, Imelda has arrived to torture Eric and Laoise. It’s the first of several scenes this episode of her batting either or both of them around like a cat playing with its prey, and here the pair of them are making up silly excuses to explain why Laoise is there so early in the morning. It’s embarrassing for everyone, mostly us, and while there are many people on this show who are clueless enough to fall for this kind of nonsense, Imelda isn’t one of them, and we don’t understand why her ex-husband and alleged BFF think she’s stupid all of a sudden. She leaves, and looks pained, and we feel bad for her.

Speaking of things that make us look pained and feel bad, Mo sashays into the living room in her robe, where creepy Colm is waiting for her, and he’s even sleazier and more self-satisfied than usual. There is morning-after flirting and kissing, and it’s yucky. You know things are bad when we find ourselves wondering if it’s too late for her to get back together with Tony. She complains that she’ll need a lot of coffee to deal with Tadhg’s bad mood, so Colm convinces her to call in sick and join him back in bed. Yes, pulling a sickie and then inevitably being spotted roaming around town by Tadhg will certainly spare her his bad mood. Clearly Mo was struck on the head by a falling coconut while away on her holiday.

Back at Recycle Pod Graffiti Park, Adam ignores a third call from his terrible mother and looks stricken about it. I’m sure there’s an app he could use to automatically forward all her calls to a more appropriate number, such as a sexually explicit gay chatline. Fia appears and sits on the swing next to him, and he apologizes for worrying her, adding that he knows now that ending his life isn’t the answer. She tells him that it’s 2017, and it’s okay to be gay now, and after some lovely meaningful pauses, she says, “Whatever has happened, we’re still friends. Okay?” The glimmer of hope this puts on his face after seeing him look broken for so long is beautiful, and he and Fia really are so good together.